3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
