Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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