Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
