At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
