She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
