So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
