Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
