Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
