he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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