I'd wear matching sweaters with you
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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