I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
