i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Randomize