New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
