you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
