I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
