Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
