Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
