The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She's the barista slut.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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