All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
