I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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