Is it because I queefed?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
