Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
