Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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