The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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