I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
