So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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