My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize