i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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