He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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