Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
someone owes me an orgasm
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
