I wannas sexs uuuuu
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
