KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
