I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
