I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
