Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
