How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
