Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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