you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
