it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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