Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize