I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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