2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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