hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
