I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
