i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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