Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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