Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
