Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
