we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
