last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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