He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
