Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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