He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
