We're facebook friends in real life
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
