So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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