Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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