just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
