I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize