but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize