Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
