If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
