i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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