don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
