My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
