And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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